Are You Sure?
by TheMightyZan
Summary: The Inquisitor loves Blackwall, but after his betrayal she forces him to leave. Cullen is a surprising source of comfort.


**Prompt: Inquisitor (Trevelyan preferred) in a relationship with Blackwall until he runs away and his true nature is exposed. Cullen helps inquisitor free Blackwall for the inquisitor's sake, but his inner lion roars when he sees the pain Blackwall has put her in. Inquisitor judges Blackwall at Skyhold (any outcome is fine just don't kill him ) and then she goes to Cullen. To discuss war stuff. Angsty sex against door/desk happens. Then awesome pillow talk to establish relationship! WOO CULLEN!**

**NSFW! ^.^**

* * *

She hadn't been out of her room in nearly a week.

She couldn't, she just couldn't, not when she knew that he was out there and she was very afraid she would simply run back to him, fling herself at him, and tell him that none of it mattered. It did matter, and she couldn't… she just couldn't.

So she stayed in her tower and had paperwork brought to her and prayed that he would be gone soon and she could simply go on with her life.

_"Evie."_ The word was whispered in her head, as it had been a thousand times that week and she couldn't help closing her eyes at the sound of it, her mind drifting back to the week before and the judgment she had laid down.

* * *

_"Right now, I'm just a man with his heart laid bare. I leave it in your hands."_

_The words rang through her as she stared at him, every muscle tensing to keep the tears that she desperately wanted to shed from spilling over. She loved him, she did, but love was little consolation when you couldn't trust the person in front of you. If he could lie about this, about something so big and important even after everything they had shared, what else could he lie about?_

_"I love you," she began, the words breaking before she cleared her throat to steady them, "but I can't trust you. You- You should have told me. Did you think I wouldn't understand?"_

_Blackwall- Rainier- Thom, whatever his name might be, looked away from her and gave no words in his defense, another strike against him. Would he not even try to fight for what they had?_

_"Blackwall intended you for the Wardens and so to the Wardens you will go. We will send word ahead, and you can have the week to ready yourself." She looked away as she said it, her chest aching with each word that squeezed itself out of her._

_"Evie," Blackwall started then stopped and corrected himself when she glanced back at him, "Inquisitor. Let me stay, send me to the Wardens when this is done if that is your will, but let me help finish what we started."_

_She had started shaking her head even before he finished talking, she bit hard into her bottom lip a moment before she could bring herself to speak again. "I cannot have you here."_

_With those words he had nodded and turned to walk away, leaving the gulf of his betrayal looming between them._

* * *

A sharp knock on her door snapped her from her thoughts and she called out for whoever it was to enter even as she pressed her hands to her face and blew out a breath.

She would get through this. She would.

Heavy steps on the stairs drew her attention and she dropped her hands in time to see Cullen appear around the railing that circled the staircase. He stopped just at the edge of it, his gaze unsure even as he made a restless gesture with hands that were full of papers.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you, Inquisitor," he began then fell silent a moment when she waved away the concern. "I came to bring you the latest reports from our scouts and to give you some information."

She motioned him forward, reaching out for the papers even as she looked up at him with a raised brow, forcing herself to shove her memories as far back into her mind as she could. "What information is that, Commander?"

He shifted on his feet, looking away a moment as his voice grew somehow even more professional. "Thom Rainier has left Skyhold. As of an hour ago he was officially on his way to join the Wardens at Adamant."

She stared at her commander for a few seconds, incomprehension confusing the words, before what he was saying settled correctly in her mind. He was gone. Blackwall was gone, and what they had had was officially over.

She wouldn't cry, she wouldn't.

No, instead she pressed her lips into a thin line and gave a single nod to the man in front of her. "Thank you for letting me know," she murmured, the words hard to get out. She sounded strange to her own ears, and, she suspected, to Cullen also because after he gave her a nod and began to turn away he faltered.

She watched as he turned back to look at her, his work mask dropping a moment as he studied the tense lines of her shoulders and face. "Are you alright?"

She opened her mouth to tell him yes, just as she had answered everyone else who had asked in the last few days, but something… something, had her pausing, her fingers tightening on the papers in her hand as she looked away.

"No." She stated it simply, the single syllable scoring her throat and making her shut her eyes again. "No I'm not. I don't know what to do. How am I supposed to move on from this?"

Once she started talking it was like she couldn't stop and words began to tumble from her mouth like water that had overflowed a dam. "I keep trying to figure out why he couldn't have told me. There were so many chances, so many moments when we were together that it might have come up. Why didn't he trust me with that? Why was he willing to throw his life away? Why didn't he try to fight for me?" She hadn't realized that she had stood from her chair and began to pace until she was suddenly near the fire and Cullen was behind her. "Am I not trustworthy? Didn't he think I was important enough? I thought he loved me." Her voice broke on the word "love" and she lifted a hand to halt more speech, her fingers pressing into the cold flesh of her lips even as she turned her face away. She shouldn't be putting all this on her commander, it wasn't his job and it wasn't appropriate.

Which, she supposed, was why she was so surprised when she felt a hand close over her shoulder, and a warm voice drift to her ear.

"Rainier was a fool."

She turned to stare wide eyed at Cullen, her fingers flexing against her mouth again as his hand dropped away from her shoulder so that he could move it to his neck. "You are the most trustworthy person I know, and to not fight for the chance to stay by your side, to be worthy of your love…" He shook his head as the rest of his words stuck in his throat. After a second, he finally spoke again, his words from before repeating more strongly. "He was a fool."

She stared at him, eyes wide as she tried to process what he was saying and the fact that his face was a bright, brilliant shade of red. "Would you have handled it differently," she asked, voice sounding far away, but he looked back at her at the question, amber eyes more serious than she had ever seen, and she felt her insides tighten in response.

"If you were mine-" He broke off and rubbed at his neck again, his gaze moving resolutely to a spot just next to her head. She watched him take a deep breath, as if stealing himself, before he finally continued. "If you were mine, I would never give you up. I would fight every day that I still had life in me to keep you, to be enough for you."

She blinked at the confession, her mind a swirl of confusion and something… something she couldn't quit place. She should thank him and let him leave. She should pretend he hadn't just said such things because she wasn't in a place to hear them, didn't think of him in a way that would end without him getting hurt.

But she didn't. She didn't do anything like she should, instead she surged forward, her hands gripping hard at his shoulders, and kissed him.

He responded immediately, his arms coming up and around her waist to pull her closer to him, his tongue licking into her open and ready mouth with far more confidence than she would normally give him credit for. She leaned into the hard surface of his armor, pressing herself against him and letting her tongue tangle with his till they were both breathing heavy and trying to push closer.

"We shouldn't-" Cullen started, the words spoken against her lips, but the rest of his statement died as she moved her hands to the clasps of his armor, clever fingers undoing the latches and buckles even as her mind became crowded with arguments. She shouldn't be doing this, it was just a desperate attempt to forget, but Maker, she wanted it, something, anything.

She wanted to forget the last week of her life, she wanted to forget the way her heart ached with every thought of him, she wanted, just for a minute, to remember what it was like to be wanted, to know what it was like to have someone look at her and not tell her that she shouldn't feel the way she did. So she pulled and tugged and fought until Cullen's armor was strewn around them in a chaotic heap and then she was attacking his lips again and shivering at the moan that he couldn't keep from voicing into her mouth.

They stumbled to the bed, arms and legs tangling as he worked her shirt over her head and fell with her to the mattress, his hand coming up at the last moment to keep her head from hitting too hard. Cullen shifted above her, slowing finally as he stared at her bare chest, her nipples tightening under his near reverent gaze, and slowly, slowly, lifted a hand to run a finger lightly over one of the puckered peaks.

His darkened gaze met hers as she let out a groan, her hips lifting slightly when he took a nipple between his fingers and gave a gentle pull. "Are you sure?" The question was stuttered, quiet, as if he feared her answer, and she suddenly knew that she had never been more sure of anything in her life, so she nodded and lifted her head off the bed so that she could latch her lips to his again.

"Evelyn." Her name was a whisper, a quiet prayer, as he pulled away from her and set to work on removing the rest of their clothes, his hands running lightly over the heat of her center with his movements and causing her to lift her hips again.

"Please." She tried to get out more as he passed his hand over her again, fingers teasing at her slit, testing the already forming wetness even as he pulled back his head to smile at her.

"Please?"

She would have given a frustrated growl if he hadn't circled her clit even as he spoke before moving his hand down to press a finger inside of her. He started a slow pace, his finger pumping in and out of her as the heel of his hand pressed against her clit, the bundle of nerves pulsing at the pressure.

He worked in and out of her for what felt like hours, a second finger joining the first and brushing over something, something, that had her thrusting her hips up to meet his movement and her hands reaching up to grip his face and bring him in for another open mouthed brush of lips and tongues.

"I want you in me. Please." Even as she said it she let out a cry off lose as his hand moved away and left her empty. She circled her arms around his back as he shifted to lay over her, and she rolled her hips as she felt the blunt tip of his cock brush over her opening, settling against it, tempting, as he pulled back to look at her again.

"You're sure?"

She had to smile at the repeat of the question. Even now, even when he had her squirming under him, he wanted to make sure she wanted this.

If anything it only made her want him more.

"Yes," she breathed, her arms straining to pull him back down. When he pushed inside her she let out a pleased moan and spread her legs wider to accommodate the thick length of him.

The word seemed to break him, break them both, because there was no steady jerk of his hips with this part, no slow building. No, there was only an immediately fast pace, the feel of him sliding in and out of her causing words like "harder" and "faster" to be ripped from her throat.

And he listened, his hand moving to her thigh to push her leg up so that he could slam more easily into her, the force of it pushing her across the bed and bunching the sheets under them.

It was rough, and fast, and exactly what she wanted, what she needed, and she revealed in the feel of the hair around his cock rubbing against her clit over, and over, and over.

She cried out when she came, her hands spasming on his back and her nails digging into his skin. He followed soon after, his hips stuttering hard against hers as she felt the warm spurts of his seed filling her.

He collapsed on top of her, their chests pressing against each other as they fought for breath. After a few moments, however, he seemed to remember where he was and let himself slip out of her even as he rolled to the side, bringing her with him so that she could settle across his chest.

They didn't speak, not for a long time. What was there to say? She tried to think of something that might not sound as if she had just used him to distract her thoughts, and finally settled on simply pressing her ear to the skin across his collarbone and asking the first question that came to mind.

"How long had you wanted to do that?"

She felt him go still moment before a laugh rumbled through his chest, the feel of it causing a pleasant buzz in her stomach. "Longer than I would care to admit." His hand moved up to her hair, his fingers working through the locks and tugging lightly at the snares they found there. "But I knew it wouldn't… That you wouldn't…" He trailed off and she could practically feel him shake his head. "I knew it didn't matter."

She lifted her head to look up at him then, eyes searching his suddenly shuttered face. How had she missed this? How had she never noticed his feelings before?

"I don't know what I can offer you, Cullen. I don't know what my feelings for you are, I've never thought of them and… and I still… I still love him." She forced herself to say the words. If nothing else he was her friend and he deserved more than a lie, even if it was by omission.

He shook his head at the words, his hand moving to the back of her head so that he could cup it and tilt her face more towards his. "I'm not asking for anything. I'm ok with whatever you think you can or cannot give. Even this was more than I had ever thought to hope for."

She didn't want to hurt him. That was the first thought that came to her mind in reply. She didn't want to hurt him as she had been hurt, so she looked away and pressed her cheek to his chest again.

Taking the hint, and understanding the unspoken words, Cullen smoothed his hand down her hair again. "Let's just take it a day at a time, hmm?"

She nodded against him and pressed herself in closer, enjoying the heat and steadiness he offered.

She liked that idea.


End file.
